Oh Shit, it’s almost Christmas!

Sometimes it feels like 2020 is messing with us the way we mess with our pets. Who hasn’t pretended to throw a ball and laugh as their dog dashes around looking for it? Or driven their cat insane with a laser pointer? Or thrown a blanket over their parakeet’s cage to shut them up? After ten months of this shit show, it feels like we are the parakeet and 2020 has thrown a blanket over our cage. Maybe that’s why I only just realized that Christmas is next week.

You’d think a pandemic would take some of the pressure off Christmas. We finally have the perfect excuse to avoid the stress of the shopping malls, travel and family gatherings that we bitch about every year and have the holiday we’ve always wanted – a quiet celebration at home with the only people we can stand enough to live together under the same roof. The silver lining we’ve been desperately wishing for has finally arrived, right?

Fools! Did you really think a virus that’s killed more Americans in one year than all four years of World War II is any match for the intense pressure and guilt of the holiday season? The Christmas lights MUST go up! Gifts MUST be exchanged! The good linens MUST be fetched from the attic! No, not THOSE linens, the ones with the poinsettias! What do you mean they’re NOT there? Well I can’t look because I MUST cook dinner for the ten relatives who insist on coming over! I am so BAD at enforcing boundaries!

In fact, why am I still writing this post? Those gingerbread men aren’t going to decorate themselves! If they could do that I’d be too busy fighting in the inevitable Gingerbread War to blog. Why are you still here? Get busy already!

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