Super Bleah

Is anyone excited about football anymore? I’m only trying to be a little bit funny here. COVID took away all the good things about it. No in-person attendance meant no getting drunk in the parking lot, no eating your weight in nacho cheese, no buying the latest in crappy souvenirs your team saw fit to slap their name on. All football fans could do was watch the game at home and share their trash talk with their 45 Twitter followers. Oral surgery sounds more appealing. At least you get drugs and free swag out of that deal. My medicine cabinet is full of top quality dental floss and travel toothpaste.

But at least we still had the Super Bowl to look forward to, is what I assume you told yourselves. Even if you’re not a fan of either team, watching the two teams that clawed their way to the top battle it out is a thrill all football lovers can enjoy. Personally I’m only in it for the commercials, if only half-heartedly. They’ve gotten way to commercial the last few years, like they’re focused on selling you stuff instead of trying to win awards.

But almost as punishment for daring to get our hopes up that 2021 would be different, it turned out to be an embarrassing, confusing mess. But it wasn’t all The Weeknd’s fault. You just can’t expect a Canadian raised on ice hockey to have the same passion for such a slow, boring sport as an American. Of course by the time he went on Kansas City had decided that if COVID wasn’t going to let them throw a sweet victory parade, then forget it. So the game limped along to its foregone conclusion, the players, owners and advertisers all got richer, and they lived happily ever after. As for everyone else, they turned their attention to the NBA and swore things would be different this time.

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